Modern man is perhaps the loneliest of creatures. He finds himself imprisoned in a milieu in which it is difficult to establish vital contact with his associates. A few-through scientific, altruistic, or creative activityare able to escape loneliness; but myriads, unable to do so, are condemned to isolation.
Regulations governing social interaction are complex and contradictory. Society has arrayed man's primitive habits of intimacy onto different levels and has said: "You may on some of these levels appease your loneliness, but not on others-except in special circumstances. Intimacy on some of these levels may be enjoyed but not mentioned; on others mentioned but not enjoyed." Not clearly understanding what is permissible and what taboo, the more sensitive withdraw into an ashcan of loneliness, while the desperate seek escape through alcoholism, violence, psychoses, and suicide.
The levels on which society has arrayed habits of intimacy range from the most-frequently approved to the never approved. Inasmuch as American culture is an amalgam of other cultures, the order in which the levels are presented does not coincide with the moral evaluations of every sub-culture but only with those of the dominant middle class. Although one level merges imperceptibly into another, the guardians of morality-through a complex of contradictory precepts attempt to keep them distinct.
The author will give a brief description of each level and then attempt to suggest a direction in which a solution to the problem of loneliness may be found. To understand this presentation, the reader will have to project himself into the predicament of those psychiatric patients to whom this article is dedicated: the lonely and lost individuals of modern society.
Level 1: Small Talk
Without prior structuring, small talk is the only type of intimacy approved. And even this, except in special circumstances, is generally prohibited between the sexes. In certain situations it is also taboo between members of the same sex. While it is permissible for a male to strike up a conversation with another male sitting beside him on a bus, it is not permissible on a crowded city street. To be thus intimate would be "odd" or "queer."
One type of individual may of course enjoy intimacy from which another is excluded. The "grandfather type" may strike up a conversation with a young girl, but the "lecherous old man" may not despite the fact that their intentions and conversations may be identical. The "junior executive type" may initiate conversation with an attractive member of the opposite sex, but the "fresh guy" is penalized for so doing, even though he uses the same approach. Inasmuch as many human beings are uncertain of the classification into which others put them, they are at loss as to what is permissible. Knowing not what to do, they live out their lives in loneliness.
Even at best, the intimacy of small talk can do little toward alleviating this distressing condition. Consisting as it does of cliches and superficialities, it soon leads to boredom-unless one dares leap to the next level of intimacy.
Level 2: Dark Sayings
In venturing onto this level, one must face certain hazards. By daring to talk or write seriously and profoundly, one runs the risk of being original. He may "queer the situation." He may arouse anxiety in his listeners or readers, causing them to shy away or to ask him, "Do you feel all right?" just as good judgment is required to know when and with whom to initiate small talk, good judgment is needed to determine the situation in which it is safe to initiate discussion
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